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  • The Toxic Rishta Culture in Pakistan: How to Cope with it

    The Toxic Rishta Culture in Pakistan: How to Cope with it

    You see pretty wedding pictures on Instagram and wonder when it will be your turn. But. despite looking for a match, you have yet to be off the market.  You have posted your rishta profile in various matrimonial groups. You receive suggestions from all over. You have paid hefty amounts to the matchmaking aunties, only for them to disappear. Even when both families meet, the process often does not proceed further. Societal norms and expectations make dealing with the rishta process exhausting and disheartening.

    In this article, we’ll discuss the toxic rishta culture in Pakistan, and how to cope with its challenges. 

    The Harsh Realities of Rishta Culture in Pakistan

    In Pakistan, the rishta culture puts girls and their families under immense pressure. Some of the harsh realities include:

    Unrealistic Expectations and Superficial Criteria

    Many families use a checklist of physical attributes and career requirements. Fair complexion, slim body, a 5-year age difference, height greater than 5’3”, and a professional degree. 

    Moreover, some families prefer working girls who can contribute to the household finances. They may also expect girls to pursue higher education abroad for a better lifestyle. In contrast, some families expect women to manage the house, leaving their own goals. 

    Family and Societal Pressure

    Pakistani girls grow up hearing that marriage is the ultimate goal in life. The pressure of finding a suitable match increases in their early twenties. Families and social circles remind them that marriage gives their life meaning and their worth is tied to it.  Phrases like “Shadi ki umar guzarti jaa rahi hai” (Your marriage time is passing) or  “Maa baap k baad kisi ne nai puchna” (Nobody will take care of you after your parents’ demise) make them rush the process. 

    Financial Considerations

    The financial status of the girl’s family is also crucial. Many families seek well-established backgrounds that can support their sons.  Moreover, they expect gifts and dowry from the bride’s family. If they are not rich enough, their chances of acceptance weaken. 

    Cast and Socioeconomic Preferences

    Many elders prefer not to marry their daughters outside their own caste, limiting potential options. Family size is also a factor, as people often avoid larger families for their daughters.  Additionally, the area of residence plays a significant role in the rishta process. Families from affluent neighborhoods often hesitate to consider matches from less developed areas. Those from big cities are reluctant to move to smaller cities. 

    The Emotional and Psychological Impact of Rishta Process

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    Self-esteem and Mental Health:

    The rishta culture in Pakistan can be draining for many young women. Judgments and rejections based on superficial qualities often lead to feelings of inadequacy.  Many find themselves questioning their self-worth. They get trapped in a cycle of self-doubt and anxiety, affecting their overall health. 

    Dealing with Rejection and Societal Judgment:

    Supportive but insensitive comments from family and friends can be hurtful. Questions like “Didn’t you get any proposals?” or gossiping about rishta meetings can make individuals feel judged and devalued.  To avoid this, some people stop attending weddings or social gatherings. This social withdrawal leads to isolation impacting mental health.  

    The Pressure of Time and Marriage Age:

    The pressure to marry at the “right age” makes many girls rush the process. This urgency often leads them to overlook crucial factors. For example, if they are ready for marriage or if the match is compatible.  This pressure can also make unmarried individuals feel like failures. This happens regardless of their achievements in other areas of life. 

    Challenges for Women in Education and Career Planning

    The rishta process presents challenges in women’s education and career planning. Uncertainty about marriage makes committing to long-term education or professional goals difficult. This can lead to a loss of identity and unfulfilled potential. Many families pressure women to prioritize marriage over career aspirations. As a result, women may sacrifice personal growth and financial independence. 

    The Strain on Family Relationships:

    Parents feel pressured to marry off their children quickly. This leads to tension and conflict within the family.  The lack of privacy around the rishta process can be particularly challenging in joint family systems. Every visit or rejection becomes a family discussion and gossip, affecting family bonds and individual mental health. 

    Practical Solutions to Deal with Rishta Process

    Though the rishta culture in Pakistan can be challenging, there are ways to make it less toxic. Here are some practical solutions to promote a healthier approach towards marriage. 

    Focus on Personal Growth

    Don’t judge your worth based on others’ words. Everyone has preferences, and not fitting in doesn’t mean you’re not worthy. Instead of questioning your worth, focus on yourself.  Pursue your passions and goals. Learn a new skill, start an online business, or grow your career. Spend quality time with your loved ones. A fulfilling life is not tied to your marital status. 

    Set Real Expectations

    While the rishta culture in Pakistan presents several challenges, setting realistic expectations is crucial. This approach helps avoid frustrations and disappointment. A boy who has started his career may not be able to provide the same luxury as your father. It’s unrealistic to expect a car, a separate house, expensive gifts, and a lavish wedding from him. 

    Instead, focus on what is reasonable and practical. 

    Set Clear Boundaries

    Setting boundaries is essential for a smooth rishta process. Communicate what information you are comfortable sharing and how you want the process managed. Both families should talk over the phone. Analyze if the potential match is suitable. Only invite them once you are sure. Avoid rushing the process with only limited information. This can make you regret having them over without complete details. 

    Also, maintain privacy around the rishta process to reduce stress and interference. 

    Consider Proactive Approaches 

    Attend social events, family gatherings, and Islamic halaqas. These settings provide natural opportunities to meet potential families. Meetups in neutral settings or during family events can reduce the pressure and create a more relaxed atmosphere. 

    Educate Yourself

    Individuals seeking marriage and their families should attend marriage workshops. 

    They should learn how to:

    • Initiate the rishta process
    • Communicate with potential families
    • Respectfully say ‘no’ 
    • Handle rejections gracefully
    • Lead the process towards marriage

    Understanding how to approach the rishta process can make it smoother and more positive. 

    Seek Professional Help

    If you are struggling with anxiety and depression due to marriage pressure, consult a mental health professional. They can provide essential support. 

    Therapy or counseling offers strategies to manage stress and improve mental well-being. Prioritize your mental health to approach the rishta process with clarity and confidence. 

    Conclusion

    The toxic rishta culture in Pakistan is taking a toll on the mental health of young people. By focusing on yourself, setting realistic expectations, and setting healthy boundaries, you can handle the rishta process in a better way.

    If you’re struggling with marriage pressure or need support, reach out to me. 

  • The Art of Rest: 7 Types You’re Missing & How to Fix It

    The Art of Rest: 7 Types You’re Missing & How to Fix It

    In our modern world filled with constant activity and motivation. The concept of rest has become more critical than ever. However, the art of rest isn’t just about taking a break from physical work. it contains a diverse range of practices that nurture our minds, bodies, and spirits.

    Let’s go deep down into seven types of rest and explore practical ways.

    1. Physical Rest:

    Physical rest involves allowing our bodies to recover from the demands of daily life. Here’s how to ensure you get the physical rest you need:
    – Prioritize sleep by setting a consistent sleep schedule and creating a relaxing bedtime routine.
    – Listen to your body’s signals for rest, such as fatigue or muscle pain. Moreover, honor them by taking breaks and mixing healthy activities like gentle stretching or yoga.
    – Schedule regular relaxation sessions, such as taking a leisurely walk, bathing in a warm bath, or practicing progressive muscle relaxation techniques.

    2. Mental Rest:

    Mental rest is essential for calming the constant discussion of our minds and reducing mental overload. Here are some strategies to incorporate mental rest into your life:
    – Practice mindfulness meditation to develop present-moment awareness and quiet the mind.
    – Set boundaries with technology by limiting screen time, turning off notifications, and taking regular digital detoxes.
    – Engage in activities that promote mental relaxation, such as reading a book, listening to soothing music, or spending time in nature without distractions.

    3. Emotional Rest:

    Emotional rest involves tending to our emotional well-being and filling our emotional resources. Here’s how to ensure you get emotional rest:
    – Create a supportive environment where you feel safe expressing your emotions without judgment or inhibition.
    – Practice self-compassion and self-care by engaging in activities that bring you joy and comfort. It would be spending time with loved ones, following hobbies, or practicing gratitude.
    – Seek professional support if needed by talking to a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and validation for your emotional experiences.

    4. Social Rest:

    Social rest involves taking a break from social interactions and reconnecting with ourselves in solitude. Here are some ways to incorporate social rest into your life:
    – Schedule regular alone time for meditation and self-reflection, whether it’s going for a solo walk, journaling, or simply enjoying quiet moments of privacy.
    – Set boundaries with your social calendar by prioritizing quality over quantity in your social engagements. 
    – Engage in activities that refill your spirit and bring you joy, whether it’s following creative interests, exploring nature, or practicing mindfulness.

    The Art of Rest A Complete Mindmap by The Healing Lounge

    5. Spiritual Rest:

    Spiritual rest involves nurturing our spiritual well-being and connecting with something greater than ourselves. Here are some ways to ensure spiritual rest:
    – Dedicate time each day for spiritual practices that resonate with you, whether it’s prayer, meditation, contemplation, or spending time in nature.
    – Cultivate a sense of awe and wonder by immersing yourself in the beauty of the natural world, observing the interconnectedness of all living beings, and finding meaning in everyday experiences.
    – Engage in acts of service and kindness that align with your values and contribute to the well-being of others, fostering a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

    6. Sensory Rest:

    Sensory rest involves reducing sensory input and creating a calming environment for relaxation. Here are some strategies to incorporate sensory rest into your life:
    – Create a peaceful sanctuary in your home by decluttering your space, using soft lighting, and incorporating soothing colors and textures.
    – Take regular breaks from screens and electronic devices to give your eyes and brain a rest from constant stimulation.
    – Engage in sensory-friendly activities that promote relaxation, such as listening to calming music, practicing deep breathing exercises, or indulging in aromatherapy with essential oils.

    7. Creative Rest:

    Creative rest involves stepping away from productivity and allowing our creative energies to replenish. Here’s how to ensure you get creative rest:
    – Schedule regular periods of unstructured time for creative play and exploration, whether it’s doodling, painting, writing, or experimenting with new ideas.
    – Surround yourself with inspiration by exposing yourself to art, music, nature, and other sources of creativity that ignite your imagination.
    – Embrace the process of creation without worrying about the outcome, focusing on the joy and fulfillment that comes from expressing yourself authentically.

    Incorporating these seven types of rest into your life can lead to greater overall well-being, resilience, and fulfillment. Remember that rest is not a luxury but a necessity for maintaining balance and vitality in our busy lives. By prioritizing rest in all its forms, we can cultivate a deeper sense of connection, presence, and peace within ourselves and the world around us.