You see pretty wedding pictures on Instagram and wonder when it will be your turn. But. despite looking for a match, you have yet to be off the market. You have posted your rishta profile in various matrimonial groups. You receive suggestions from all over. You have paid hefty amounts to the matchmaking aunties, only for them to disappear. Even when both families meet, the process often does not proceed further. Societal norms and expectations make dealing with the rishta process exhausting and disheartening.
In this article, we’ll discuss the toxic rishta culture in Pakistan, and how to cope with its challenges.
The Harsh Realities of Rishta Culture in Pakistan
In Pakistan, the rishta culture puts girls and their families under immense pressure. Some of the harsh realities include:
Unrealistic Expectations and Superficial Criteria
Many families use a checklist of physical attributes and career requirements. Fair complexion, slim body, a 5-year age difference, height greater than 5’3”, and a professional degree.
Moreover, some families prefer working girls who can contribute to the household finances. They may also expect girls to pursue higher education abroad for a better lifestyle. In contrast, some families expect women to manage the house, leaving their own goals.
Family and Societal Pressure
Pakistani girls grow up hearing that marriage is the ultimate goal in life. The pressure of finding a suitable match increases in their early twenties. Families and social circles remind them that marriage gives their life meaning and their worth is tied to it. Phrases like “Shadi ki umar guzarti jaa rahi hai” (Your marriage time is passing) or “Maa baap k baad kisi ne nai puchna” (Nobody will take care of you after your parents’ demise) make them rush the process.
Financial Considerations
The financial status of the girl’s family is also crucial. Many families seek well-established backgrounds that can support their sons. Moreover, they expect gifts and dowry from the bride’s family. If they are not rich enough, their chances of acceptance weaken.
Cast and Socioeconomic Preferences
Many elders prefer not to marry their daughters outside their own caste, limiting potential options. Family size is also a factor, as people often avoid larger families for their daughters. Additionally, the area of residence plays a significant role in the rishta process. Families from affluent neighborhoods often hesitate to consider matches from less developed areas. Those from big cities are reluctant to move to smaller cities.
The Emotional and Psychological Impact of Rishta Process
Self-esteem and Mental Health:
The rishta culture in Pakistan can be draining for many young women. Judgments and rejections based on superficial qualities often lead to feelings of inadequacy. Many find themselves questioning their self-worth. They get trapped in a cycle of self-doubt and anxiety, affecting their overall health.
Dealing with Rejection and Societal Judgment:
Supportive but insensitive comments from family and friends can be hurtful. Questions like “Didn’t you get any proposals?” or gossiping about rishta meetings can make individuals feel judged and devalued. To avoid this, some people stop attending weddings or social gatherings. This social withdrawal leads to isolation impacting mental health.
The Pressure of Time and Marriage Age:
The pressure to marry at the “right age” makes many girls rush the process. This urgency often leads them to overlook crucial factors. For example, if they are ready for marriage or if the match is compatible. This pressure can also make unmarried individuals feel like failures. This happens regardless of their achievements in other areas of life.
Challenges for Women in Education and Career Planning
The rishta process presents challenges in women’s education and career planning. Uncertainty about marriage makes committing to long-term education or professional goals difficult. This can lead to a loss of identity and unfulfilled potential. Many families pressure women to prioritize marriage over career aspirations. As a result, women may sacrifice personal growth and financial independence.
The Strain on Family Relationships:
Parents feel pressured to marry off their children quickly. This leads to tension and conflict within the family. The lack of privacy around the rishta process can be particularly challenging in joint family systems. Every visit or rejection becomes a family discussion and gossip, affecting family bonds and individual mental health.
Practical Solutions to Deal with Rishta Process
Though the rishta culture in Pakistan can be challenging, there are ways to make it less toxic. Here are some practical solutions to promote a healthier approach towards marriage.
Focus on Personal Growth
Don’t judge your worth based on others’ words. Everyone has preferences, and not fitting in doesn’t mean you’re not worthy. Instead of questioning your worth, focus on yourself. Pursue your passions and goals. Learn a new skill, start an online business, or grow your career. Spend quality time with your loved ones. A fulfilling life is not tied to your marital status.
Set Real Expectations
While the rishta culture in Pakistan presents several challenges, setting realistic expectations is crucial. This approach helps avoid frustrations and disappointment. A boy who has started his career may not be able to provide the same luxury as your father. It’s unrealistic to expect a car, a separate house, expensive gifts, and a lavish wedding from him.
Instead, focus on what is reasonable and practical.
Set Clear Boundaries
Setting boundaries is essential for a smooth rishta process. Communicate what information you are comfortable sharing and how you want the process managed. Both families should talk over the phone. Analyze if the potential match is suitable. Only invite them once you are sure. Avoid rushing the process with only limited information. This can make you regret having them over without complete details.
Also, maintain privacy around the rishta process to reduce stress and interference.
Consider Proactive Approaches
Attend social events, family gatherings, and Islamic halaqas. These settings provide natural opportunities to meet potential families. Meetups in neutral settings or during family events can reduce the pressure and create a more relaxed atmosphere.
Educate Yourself
Individuals seeking marriage and their families should attend marriage workshops.
They should learn how to:
- Initiate the rishta process
- Communicate with potential families
- Respectfully say ‘no’
- Handle rejections gracefully
- Lead the process towards marriage
Understanding how to approach the rishta process can make it smoother and more positive.
Seek Professional Help
If you are struggling with anxiety and depression due to marriage pressure, consult a mental health professional. They can provide essential support.
Therapy or counseling offers strategies to manage stress and improve mental well-being. Prioritize your mental health to approach the rishta process with clarity and confidence.
Conclusion
The toxic rishta culture in Pakistan is taking a toll on the mental health of young people. By focusing on yourself, setting realistic expectations, and setting healthy boundaries, you can handle the rishta process in a better way.
If you’re struggling with marriage pressure or need support, reach out to me.
